I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
