dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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