White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
