I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
