ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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