Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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