it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
