I love black thongs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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