Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
