turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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