Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
