Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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