I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
