Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
