Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
