why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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