The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
