Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
