my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
