Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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