I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
