My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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