It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
