my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
