I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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