Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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