Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
