there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Text me some of your sweat
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
