Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
