I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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