i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He better not be in your backpack
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
