Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
