Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
