Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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