After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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