i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
