I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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