My pussy is not your playground.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
