There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
