we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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