I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
