i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize