someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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