I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
