She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
