then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
