Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
