I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
