Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
