Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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