he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
