She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
