It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cannot find my penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
