after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
