please come you make the beer taste better
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
