I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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