If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
