but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
