Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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