I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
