so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
