this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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