I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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