My room smells like vodka and shame
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
