Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Alive.
So much puke
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize