Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
