the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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