After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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