i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
