Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize