I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
