i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
