Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
