Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
