You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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