remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
