Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
