i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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