there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
