wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
